"Falling in love is so hard on the knees"- Aerosmith

Where would this world be without love? I mean, I can barely get through the day without thinking about those that I love. This year has been full of what we teenagers call "love". But somewhere in all of this "love" i think I found it. Believ me, I know that sounds crazy and so unreal but he is the one person I want to be with. If something good happens, i want him to be the first to know...or if something bad happens, i want him to be the one to comfort me. But, it's so hard to love someone who treats you horribly. It's not like he hits more anything, nothing like that...i mean, why would he? It's a verbal thing. Him, his friends and I do skype practically everyday and at some point in the conversation they end up talking about what girls they would want to "do it" with and so my guy talks about it too....right in front of me. And he asks me why I don't say anything...well gee I WONDER WHY! My guy is a joker, I know that very well and he jokes with me a lot but sometimes they dont seem like jokes...i confronted him about it and he thought nothing of but apologized anyway. Everytime he apologizes for something, my knees buckle and i give in and he knows he can just do all of this again. I don't know if i'm making a big deal out of this but I fell like theres something wrong and I know i really need to talk to him about al of this but im very scared that he won't take me seriously... I know that's not the way a relationship should be but I don't even know if we count as a realtionship...we have had nothing but problems from the beginning (november), everytime I tried to move on and had a thing with a different guy, he kept popping up and my head and i wanted him to leave because it was causing me pain to think that he didn't care about me...then one day, he said he still cared about me. But is this the way to treat someone you care about? Is he even treating me in a bad way? I don't know what to think anymore. I love him and falling for him gets harder and harder. Thinking about all of this wares me out but I just can't stop until I get my thoughts straight and I feel lie that will never happen and so I don't know what I will do with myself... All I know is that I love him and that will not change...ever..

Endings...not always easy...

Oh my lord. We are about a third of the way through June and do you know what that means? School is almost out! But that also means that finals are coming and things are really getting harder... And on top of all of the stress for school work, we have our drama. Nothing major going on right now...thank the lord...school has been tough because, yes, there is drama all the time. That is just inevitable. Life has gotten better though. I have made contact with my dad again. Now he comes to my school and teaches two of my very close friends what he knows on the guitar. This makes them very happy and I can tell that he really enjoys it. Seeing him connect with my friends and I at the same time is amazing because we have never been able to have that kind of relationship. Also, i am doing well in school and band is going amazingly. I have recently found out that I made the GPHS wind ensemble. This is amazing, i am in the top band. I also have some one that I really care about. Him and I semi dated at the beginning of the year and it didn't go so well but he has recently told me that he cares about me. After the months that had gone by i didn't think he would ever say that I certainly did not think that I would have the chance to tell him how I had cared for him the whole time. Now, i'm hoping that things will work out and this won't just be deja vu. But anyway, no matter what life throws at me, I will always keep my head and continue to tell myself that tomorrow's a new day. Because, for all we know, tomorrow could be our paradise. Keep living, keep trying, keep loving. No matter what happens, it was God's plan and even if you don't agree with what he is wanting for you, you have to know that something good has to come out of it.